


would anyone like to watch twilight with me?

by missmedda



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, also they r like 19/20 in this bc i am and i can't write high schoolers im sorry, college losers hehe <3, i just like reddie ok i think ab them once every 3 months and now im here, idk - Freeform, if u care eddie is based off of how i type so if it sounds dumb and gay well do i have news for you, im going through an it phase again pls don't ask, very much based off my friends and i, writing it ff like its 2017....... yeaaaaaaaaa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27528688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmedda/pseuds/missmedda
Summary: himbo: i ain't ever seen two pretty best friendsdegenerate: eddie and i are right here thoall powerful: right... anyways who here is trying to watch twilight with me [serious inquires only]
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 12
Kudos: 60





	1. let the shitshow begin

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all what's up...
> 
> so i'm going thru a reddie phase (check tags) and i needed to write smth to get it out of my soul so now were here!
> 
> this is truly just based off the way my friends and i talk to each other and i like to think we're all funny <3 pls enjoy
> 
> oh they are in college ig bc i am and idk how high schoolers minds work anymore hehe

_richie created “the virgin club"_

**richie:** hi fuckers

**eddie:** dear god help us all

**bill:** why another one

**richie:** well u see i accidentally kicked all of you out except for eddie and i and then i left by mistake and eddie won’t let me back in 

**bill:** i hate yall sm

**bev:** true friendship billiam <3

**richie:** omg that just reminded me

_[richie changed bill’s name to himbo]_

**himbo:** now wait a damn minute….

**eddie:** LMAOOOO not a himbo

_[richie changed eddie’s name to eds]_

**eds:** u hate to see me happy.

_[richie changed stan’s name to bird fucker]_

**bird fucker:** thats just fucked up

**himbo:** ok but ur not himbo

**bird fucker:** yours is a compliment 😭 mine is a felony

**eds:** omg is it rly a felony…. 

**bird fucker:** beastiality is illegal so yes shahsuw

_[richie changed bev’s name to all powerful]_

**all powerful:** period female supremacy rise

**himbo:** female supremacy rise 😌

_[richie changed mike’s name to cock a doodle doo]_

**cock a doodle doo:** shocked you didn’t stop at cock

**richie:** oh no i can if u would like

**cock a doodle doo:** wait richie no

_[richie changed cock a doodle doo’s name to cock]_

**cock:** ok.

**eds:** the way it got better for bev and worse for you i—

**himbo:** why am i a himbo tho

**richie:** have u looked at urself before and do u understand physics

**himbo:** well yeah and no i dont

**richie:** himbo

**eds:** himbo

**bird fucker:** himbo

**cock:** sorry bill but himbo

**all powerful:** bill’s a big himbo

**himbo:** wait omg i just had to look up what a himbo is and yall all think im hot 😭 okok i digress 

**bird fucker:** i can feel your ego growing from my room

**richie:** lmfaoooooo

**richie:** lemme finish these names rq

_[richie changed ben’s name to one direction]_

**all powerful:** the way he isn’t here to say anything ab it is sickening

**eds:** ill do it for him

**eds:** its backstreet boys richie *other nice words that are meant to be mean* 😔

**richie:** i—

**eds:** ok so whats your name

**richie:** im richie but you can call me daddy ;)

**eds:** u make me sick 

_[eds changed richie’s name to degenerate]_

**degenerate:** wtf

**eds:** u are corrupt

**all powerful:** JSJWIDIEDJ

**all powerful:** smth ab eddie just saying “u are corrupt” is SO fuckin funny to me

**himbo:** haiku <3

**cock:** LMAO

**bird fucker:** not quite bill but i fw you for trying

**one direction:** hey guys

**eds:** hi ben :)

**bird fucker:** hey ben

**himbo:** hiiii

**all powerful:** ben!!! 

**cock:** hi king

**degenerate:** sup

**one direction:** wait whys my name one direction

**eds:** cuz richie is a horrible horrible little man

**all powerful:** eddie why are u so funny today

**degenerate:** well first of all, bc its fitting ben

**degenerate:** second of all, eddies funny all the time 

**eds:** um speak for yourself

**degenerate:** im complimenting u why are u fighting it

**eds:** oh

**eds:** u always have a trick up ur sleeve…… gotta be quick with it

**himbo:** ok eddie is so funny today bev i agree 

**eds:** omg ty bill and bev 🥺

**degenerate:** i dont get a thank you?!

**eds:** ty ig

**cock:** LMFAOOOOO

**cock:** richie has no rights today

**degenerate:** says the cock

**cock:** :|

**all powerful:** who here is trying to smoke

**degenerate:** always 

**eds:** no

**himbo:** who here is trying to get panda express

**eds:** yes

**himbo:** oh shit

**himbo:** lemme go change and then we can go

**eds:** does anyone else want to come?

**degenerate:** wait i want panda too

**bird fucker:** yeah i do

**cock:** i just ate but i'll come for the experience

**one direction:** same as mike

**degenerate:** see all u sexy bitches there ❤️


	2. thirsty thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> himbo: thirsty thursday
> 
> degenerate: so we need to get drunk
> 
> one direction: oh god
> 
> cock: i don’t know a lot but i do know that doesn’t sound right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> online college is a scam and i hate it! and group essays are the dumbest thing I've ever done in my liiiifffeeeee
> 
> anyways its Thursday and i wish i was getting drunk but instead I'm doing hw and dying :) so i made the losers get drunk for me

**eds:** quick everyone come over sos

 **himbo:** what

 **eds:** cant you read

 **himbo:** i—

 **himbo:** what do u need tho

 **eds:** come over and ill tell you

 **all powerful:** he doesnt need anything he just misses yall and is bored

 **eds:** beverely why would u expose my master plan

 **himbo:** omg u miss us thats so cute eddie

 **eds:** nvm 

**degenerate:** omw right now cant have my love eds missing me

 **eds:** im not opening the door

 **degenerate:** ben or bev will :)

 **eds:** i hate it here

 **one direction:** its true eddie misses yall

 **eds:** no i just dont want to third wheel w u two

 **bird fucker:** i’m in class rn ill come after

 **himbo:** i’ll wait for you :)

 **bird fucker:** no its ok you don’t need to

 **himbo:** i dont wanna walk alone and my airpods are dead so im fine to wait

 **bird fucker:** oh ok

 **bird fucker:** well ty then 

* * *

_bestie boo❤️ >> dickwad _

**bestie boo❤️:** WHY

 **dickwad:** thats rly cute im ngl

 **bestie boo❤️:** he wants me dead

 **dickwad:** if he did he would’ve killed u by now

 **bestie boo❤️:** …..

 **dickwad:** oops too far?

 **bestie boo❤️:** i hate you

 **bestie boo** ❤️ **:** he’s so cute i hate him

 **bestie boo** ❤️ **:** i got water just now and he heard my door open and smiled at me and asked how my class is and if he’s too loud 😭

 **dickwad:** pls just ask him out already

 **dickwad:** yall already live together

 **dickwad:** we could literally move into a 2 bdrm apt and save bank on rent

 **bestie boo❤️:** stfu he doesn’t like me nor boys 

**dickwad:** not true but sure

* * *

**eds:** so yall are gonna make me third wheel and put up w richie…… so you hate me.

 **all powerful:** its not third wheeling

 **eds:** 1 couple 1 annoying asshole and 1 sane boy… third wheeling

 **one direction:** i think you’ll be fine

 **degenerate:** i can flirt with you so you won’t be third wheeling

 **eds:** 🤨🤨

 **eds:** you can do that when hell freezes over

 **himbo:** lowkey richies flirting is smooth yall are just too cowardly to admit it

 **degenerate:** awww bill ty <3

 **degenerate:** ill flirt w u tn just for saying that king

 **himbo:** lmao thanks 

**himbo:** a boys never flirted w me before tho 

**eds:** so that was a lie

 **one direction:** bill be like “just lied on the tl ❤️”

 **all powerful:** many boys have flirted and thirsted after u big bill

 **cock:** the gays love u bill

 **himbo:** wait when

 **eds:** literally all the time lmao

 **degenerate:** is now the time we talk ab how we were all in love with bill in hs bc….

 **all powerful:** he had us under a spell or smth 

**one direction:** wait you all had crushes on bill before too?

 **eds:** yeah lmfao

 **cock:** its a right of passage 

**himbo:** HUH

 **bird fucker:** why are you shocked

 **himbo:** wait stan even you too?

 **bird fucker:** yeah in middle school only tho

* * *

_dickwad >>> bestie boo _ ❤️ 

**dickwad:** just lied on main❤️

 **bestie boo** ❤️ **:** shut the fuck up

 **dickwad:** LMFAOOOO 

* * *

**himbo:** why didn’t any of you ever say anything???

 **eds:** tbh there was a point where like 4 of us liked you and we were all just like yeah this is normal 

**all powerful:** i only liked u when we were dating sry bill im built different

 **degenerate:** full offense bill but you’re oblivious

 **degenerate:** why do you think we all always went along with every plan you made all the time

 **himbo:** bc you guys wanted to do it too :(

 **cock:** no we just had big ol crushes on you

 **degenerate:** we were all bill simps

 **himbo:** wtf why 

**eds:** you’re hot and nice what else does a young gay need

 **degenerate:** bingo

 **cock:** and it was cute to watch you with georgie

 **one direction:** you were a wholesome first boy crush

 **himbo:** i…. 

**himbo:** thanks ben i guess 

**degenerate:** so how does it feel knowing all your friends wanted to bone you at some point

 **eds:** richie wtf

 **degenerate:** what? i want to know

 **himbo:** its ummmm 

**himbo:** its 

**himbo:** idk

 **eds:** the himbo is speechless

 **himbo:** i’m flattered but also thats weird

 **degenerate:** its like how we all always want to cuddle eddie and pinch his cheeks

 **himbo:** no only you want to do that

 **eds:** ill chop your hand off if you do that

 **all powerful:** i do be wanting to hug eddie a lot though

 **eds:** aw you can hug me 

**all powerful:** good <3

 **one direction:** i’ve never thought about pinching eddie’s cheeks

 **one direction:** but i want to do it now

 **eds:** i promise u its not that fun

 **cock:** you’re just saying that so he won’t do it

 **eds:** yes and? 

**degenerate:** its lots of fun 

**eds:** its annoying not fun

 **degenerate:** your annoyance makes it cuter

 **himbo:** its thursday guys

 **bird fucker:** yes it is 

**himbo:** exactly

 **bird fucker:** please clarify 

**eds:** arent u in class

 **bird fucker:** im texting on my mac

 **eds:** oh carry on then

 **himbo:** thirsty thursday

 **degenerate:** so we need to get drunk

 **one direction:** oh god

 **cock:** i don’t know a lot but i do know that doesn’t sound right

 **all powerful:** i have an exam on zoom at 8:30 tmr but i will be getting drunk

 **eds:** do we have to

 **one direction:** no

 **degenerate:** yes

 **eds:** oh

 **cock:** you don’t have to eddie :)

 **eds:** thanks mike ily

 **cock:** ilyt 

**degenerate:** right anyways

 **bird fucker:** very subtle, carry on 

**degenerate:** choke bitch

 **all powerful:** whats the alc of choice

 **all powerful:** i’m feeling vodka

 **himbo:** vodka redbulls? 

**eds:** there’s a new watermelon flavor its good

 **degenerate:** or hear me out

 **degenerate:** rum

 **one direction:** i’m listening

 **degenerate :** mango malibu and the mucho mango arizona 

**one direction:** i am very intrigued 

**himbo:** rum vs vodka go

 **degenerate:** rum

 **all powerful:** vodka

 **cock:** i say vodka

 **cock:** we can make a lot of things with vodka

 **one direction:** who is buying though

 **degenerate:** i lost my fake last time we got blackout so not me lol

 **himbo:** stan and i can on our way over 

**eds:** can u get me a watermelon redbull bill <3

 **himbo:** yeah! 

**bird fucker:** @bev @eddie what are the mixer options

 **eds:** almond milk and water

 **degenerate:** ur joking

 **all powerful:** hes not 

**all powerful:** we need mixers hehe

 **degenerate:** eddie and i will go get some

 **eds:** you aren’t even here rn

 **degenerate:** yes i am

 **eds:** no you’re not??

 **degenerate:** i’ve been in your kitchen for 10 mins

 **eds:** who tf let you in

 **one direction:** me

 **eds:** damn ben why

 **cock:** lmfaoo

 **cock:** okay so we need juice, sprite, and redbulls

 **himbo:** yall should we try making jungle juice this weekend

 **eds:** what are you a frat boy? 

**himbo:** no but its good

 **cock:** its alcohol poisoning 

**himbo:** tasty alcohol poisoning

 **eds:** ok richie and i are leaving rn

 **bird fucker:** my class just ended so bill and i will leave now

 **all powerful:** i’m gonna get waassstteeeddddd

 **degenerate:** i just finished a cold cup of 42 and im bouta go for my second one 🤩

 **himbo:** kourtney what the fuck are u on!!!

 **cock:** did yall just quote kylie jenner

 **himbo:** yeah

 **degenerate:** you love it mikey

 **cock:** ….stan get the gallon of titos 

**bird fucker:** lmfaooo ok noted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading and ily all enjoy your morning/afternoon/night 
> 
> probably gonna update tmr (maybe) <3 
> 
> mwah hugs n kisses and wear ur masks


	3. the simple life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one direction: i have the sweetest gf i know
> 
> degenerate: she plans on killing me? 
> 
> degenerate: but talk ur shit king

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii 
> 
> idk what this is honestly i wrote it last month and forgot ab it
> 
> enjoy xoxo

**bird fucker:** richie just walked behind me in his underwear while i was in class w my camera on

 **degenerate:** i gave your accounting class a show

 **eds:** i—

 **degenerate:** dw i can give you the same show eds ;)

 **eds:** i’d rather die thanks 

**himbo:** did he have a shirt on

 **bird fucker:** no

 **degenerate:** why would i wear a shirt in my own home billiam

 **bird fucker:** i hate you

 **himbo:** moving on from that

 **himbo:** the new barista at peets gave mike her number yall

 **cock:** its not a big deal

 **all powerful:** was she cute

 **himbo:** yeah

 **cock:** i’m not answering that

 **himbo:** good thing i can answer for you

 **eds:** i love chaotic bill

 **degenerate:** yall went to peets w/o me 

**eds:** yeah wtf i want peets

 **himbo:** so go w richie and get it?

 **cock:** coffee date

 **all powerful:** coffee date <3 

**eds:** over my dead body

* * *

**eddie my love 🥰** >>> **trashmouth**

 **eddie my love 🥰:** do you want to go to peets?

 **trashmouth:** of course anything for u bby boy

 **eddie my love 🥰:** how do you find time to be annoying every second of the day

 **trashmouth:** its a talent of mine 

**eddie my love 🥰:** your only talent 

**trashmouth:** nah i’m pretty talented at fucking your mom 

**eddie my love 🥰:** you disgust me

 **trashmouth:** lmfao do you want to meet there or for me to come to you

 **eddie my love 🥰:** come here 

**trashmouth:** aye aye captain 

* * *

**all powerful:** MY JACKET DONT GET NO LOVE NO HATS AND NO GLOVES

 **himbo:** NOT EVEN A CHANCE OF RAIN

 **all powerful:** BUT MY BABYS IN TOWN AND WERE GONNA DO SOME WINTER THINGS

 **himbo:** HEYYO I WANNA PRETEND WERE AT THE NORTH POLE 

**all powerful:** TURNING THE HEAT INTO AN ICE COLD HOLIDAY MADE JUST FOR ME AND MY BABY

 **eds:** yall just be talkin huh

 **himbo** : how dare you not recognize ariana grande’s winter things 

**eds:** her what now

 **all powerful:** her christmas song from her christmas ep

 **eds:** i— 

**eds:** bill how do u know that

 **himbo:** how do u not.

 **degenerate:** her cover of last christmas >>>>

 **one direction:** santa tell me is top tier

 **eds:** are u all ari stans now

 **himbo:** always have been 

**eds:** omg what

 **bird fucker:** yeah bill loves ariana

 **bird fucker:** santa baby with liz gillies though is chefs kiss

 **eds:** so were any of you going to tell me you’re all ari stans or was i supposed to find out in this gc on a random tuesday in december.

 **cock:** LMAO 

**eds:** why are you laughing cock

 **degenerate:** salty eddie is my favorite hes cute and fiesty

 **eds:** ill push you into moving traffic

 **degenerate:** no you wont

 **eds:** don’t tempt me on this busy road

 **himbo:** wait yall are together?

 **eds:** unfortunately 

**himbo** : so you’re on a coffee date

 **degenerate:** fun fact actually really sad fact 

**degenerate:** were just two friends getting coffee, no date :/

 **degenerate:** what’re yall doin

 **all powerful:** *paris hilton voice* i’m smoking pot and eating burgers that are old

 **degenerate:** ✨thats hot✨

 **eds:** can we rewatch the simple life

 **one direction:** yes please

 **bird fucker:** i want to watch jersey shore 

**degenerate:** bad girls club tho

 **cock:** let’s watch little women of atlanta

 **eds:** is that the one ms juicy baby is in

 **cock:** YES

 **eds:** oh shit

 **degenerate:** wait should we watch that

 **bird fucker:** we can watch more than one show at once guys

 **himbo:** ok so jersey shore and little women of atlanta 

**degenerate:** and simple life rewatch

 **himbo:** the first season is the funniest of the simple life so do we have to watch the others

 **degenerate:** all the seasons are good

 **himbo:** are they

 **eds:** yes

 **all powerful:** yes

 **cock:** yes

 **one direction:** yes

 **bird fucker:** yes

 **himbo:** ok well if stan agrees then sure

 **degenerate:** bitch we all agreed before him

 **himbo:** his opinion weighs more than yalls sorry to u guys

 **degenerate:** just date already

 **bird fucker:** i KNOW you aren’t talking

 **degenerate:** ITS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND NOT AT ALL THE SWME

 **bird fucker:** ITS 100% WORSE 

**all powerful:** are we airing our secrets out in the gc

 **all powerful:** if so, eddie i stole ur last pack of gushers and a razor from you <3

 **bird fucker:** wdym? there are no secrets

 **eds:** damn we need gushers now

 **eds:** also what are yall talkin ab @richie @stan

 **degenerate:** nothing at all :) 

* * *

**dickwad** >>> **bestie boo❤️**

 **dickwad:** WHAT THE FUCK STANIEL

 **bestie boo❤️:** WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD

 **dickwad** **:** u can LITERALLY date bill like

 **dickwad:** HE LIKES U HES JUST DUMB 

**bestie boo❤️:** and you could’ve been dating eddie since we were 12, so who is the dumb one here

 **dickwad:** he came out when we were 16 so no

 **bestie boo❤️:** DO U THINK HE WAS JUST STRAIGHT UNTIL THEN……… 

**dickwad:** i dont fuckin know

 **bestie boo❤️:** aight ill ask him just for you

 **dickwad:** fuck OFF 

**dickwad:** anyways even tho he likes boys he doesnt like me so just leave it

 **bestie boo❤️:** you’re so dumb and stubborn it hurts

 **dickwad:** B)

* * *

**bird fucker:** eddie were you straight before you came out at 16

 **eds:** huh

 **degenerate:** u didnt

 **bird fucker:** i did

 **eds:** im confused lmao

 **eds:** but no ive always been gay? i think at least

 **all powerful:** you didnt ask me but i knew i was bi at 11 

**bird fucker:** i knew i was gay then bev omg 

**one direction:** i realized i was bi at 14

 **cock:** i didn’t know i was bi until 17 

**degenerate:** i knew i was bi at 10 bitches

 **himbo:** i think i’ve just realized i’m bi lol

 **eds:** omg!! im happy for u bill :)

 **himbo:** thanks eddie :) ily

 **eds:** ofc ilyt 🤍

 **degenerate:** welcome to the club billy boy ;)

 **cock:** thats great bill!!

 **all powerful:** the way theres no straight ppl in this group…. our serve

 **bird fucker:** i’m happy for you bill! 

**himbo:** thanks guys :) 

**degenerate:** who was ur male sexual awakening

 **himbo:** my who

 **degenerate:** cant u read…

 **degenerate:** ur ✨male sexual awakening✨

 **himbo:** oh i didnt have one 

**degenerate:** wtf

 **himbo:** i was listening to eddie and bev talk ab boyfriends and shit and just realized i wouldnt mind dating a boy too

 **eds:** wait wtf thats cute

 **degenerate:** my dear eds was my gay awakening

 **eds:** and you ruined it.

 **degenerate:** jk it was chris evans 

**all powerful:** uh huh

 **degenerate:** in other news

 **degenerate:** the stick and poke bev gave me dont look too right

 **eds:** the WHAT

 **degenerate:** stick n poke eds

 **eds:** not my name bitch

 **eds:** why tf did u let her do that are u stupid

 **all powerful:** like its infected?

 **degenerate:** no the lines r shaky

 **eds:** wtf. 

**degenerate:** eds ur goin to medschool so u have steady hands

 **eds:** absolutely not

 **degenerate:** will u fix it

 **eds:** No

 **eds:** No

 **eds:** Again, No.

 **degenerate:** bby pls

 **himbo:** not eddie using capitals

 **one direction:** right….

 **eds:** do you even know how dangerous stick n pokes can be??

 **degenerate:** no but i have a feeling you’ll tell me

 **eds:** u are going to make me die early from stress

 **degenerate:** if u die then i have to die :/ 

**himbo:** now wait a min…

 **cock:** romeo and juliet asses

 **one direction:** no one is dying

 **all powerful:** only of fun 🤪

 **eds:** and complications via stick n poke 

**degenerate:** ok ok

 **degenerate:** so just to b clear u wont fix it for me 🥺

 **eds:** no dipshit

 **all powerful:** ill do it again hehe

 **degenerate:** alr like rn?

 **all powerful:** i-

 **all powerful:** i mean sure

 **degenerate:** great 

**himbo:** when did yall get a stick n poke kit

 **all powerful:** when we went to walmart

 **himbo:** oh… so ur injecting sharpie into his body..

 **eds:** U GUYS STRESS ME OUT

 **all powerful:** no we ordered tattoo ink off of amazon

 **bird fucker:** capitalists

 **degenerate:** fuck u stan

 **all powerful:** everything else is from walmart tho 

**all powerful:** #ballinonabudget

 **one direction:** you could’ve just bought a stick n poke kit from amazon?

 **cock:** the thrill of a sewing needle from walmart duct taped to a pencil is better

 **one direction:** wait is that how they made it

 **cock:** yes 100%

 **degenerate:** this is how mike, bev, and i have fun

 **cock:** richie screamed when bev first started to scare her and she almost went too deep w the needle

 **eds:** Why Would You Do That.

 **degenerate:** it was funny 

**eds:** Was It?

 **degenerate:** in theory? yes in practice? no

 **himbo:** mike why’d you let them do that

 **cock:** i had nothing telling me not to

 **himbo:** ok fair

 **cock:** its ok richie isn’t dead!

 **all powerful:** yet

 **cock:** …… um so anyways

 **all powerful:** richie wya

 **eds:** we’re on our way up rn

 **all powerful:** did u get me peets eddie 🙈

 **eds:** no u could’ve killed richie

 **all powerful:** smh he ain’t dead (yet)

 **degenerate:** why do u keep saying yet

 **himbo:** she’s gonna get you

 **bird fucker:** it’s what he deserves

 **himbo:** all who agree say aye

 **himbo:** aye

 **bird fucker:** aye

 **cock:** aye

 **degenerate:** this is mean im telling my mom

 **cock:** you are 20 years old. 

**degenerate:** maggie is on speed dial rn

 **all powerful:** the new needle has been duct taped 😎

 **all powerful:** oh and aye

 **one direction:** aye

 **degenerate:** not u ben… not u…

 **degenerate:** its ok i still have eds on my side

 **eds:** you did until you called me that

 **eds:** aye

 **degenerate:** it b ur own friends… 😞

 **all powerful:** you won’t die after your stick n poke tho :)

 **degenerate:** awww how considerate of u 

**one direction:** i have the sweetest gf i know

 **degenerate:** she plans on killing me? 

**degenerate:** but talk ur shit king

 **all powerful:** ok its stick n poke time

 **himbo:** can we do a group ft i want to see

 **eds:** sure

 **himbo:** dope

 **eds:** don’t say that again.

 **himbo:** thats dope as hell lil bro

 **eds:** i hate u nvm

 **himbo:** ily 😘

 **himbo:** can yall join…. or answer….

 **eds:** they are prepping

 **eds:** but ill join for them

 **cock:** relax im joining now

 **bird fucker:** what if richie dies on ft and were all a witness to it

 **eds:** what if u shut up

 **bird fucker:** you said aye, you support it

 **eds:** …..

 **eds:** i take it back i want ALL of u dead now

 **degenerate:** just admit u love me eddie its ok

 **eds:** ill stab you with that stupid needle

 **eds:** oh bill they’re starting now

 **himbo:** omg and y’all are playing positions? period

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its my personal belief that richie has an emoji behind every contact in his phone, simply bc i do that <3
> 
> also my friends and i did buy a stick n poke kit and gave each other one so... why not include it here
> 
> maybe ill update l8r this week since i'm done w school till next year hehe... we shall see
> 
> love u all mwah!!!


	4. funny man (derogatory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> degenerate: feelin like lil uzi vert rn
> 
> himbo: everyone is so mean 2 me 💔

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi 
> 
> wrote this bc the thing that happened to bev happened to me today and i needed to share it <3
> 
> idk if its funny tbh u tell me
> 
> enjoy xoxo

**house wife:** eddie

 **dr baby man:** what

 **house wife:** youre the only person i can tell this to

 **dr baby man:** um ok

 **house wife:** the worst thing ever just happened to me

 **dr baby man:** you dropped your free dunkin wednesday coffee?

 **house wife:** why would that be the worst thing????

 **dr baby man:** bc you can’t get another one w your dunkin acc and they won’t remake the coffee bc they hate free coffee wednesdays

 **house wife:** ….. 

**house wife:** ok thats kinda horrible

 **house wife:** but no. thats not what happened

 **dr baby man:** did you look under richies bed?

 **house wife:** no im at home?? in our apartment??

 **house wife:** wtf is under his bed

 **dr baby man:** idk but its probably horrible

 **house wife:** true

 **house wife:** okay we need to focus

 **dr baby man:** we? there’s nothing wrong w me rn

 **house wife:** eddie idk how else to say this

 **house wife:** my tampon string broke and now its stuck in me

 **dr baby man:** why am i the only person you could tell this to?

 **house wife:** I CAN HEAR U LAUGHING

 **dr baby man:** noooooo im coughing wdym

 **house wife:** FOCUS

 **dr baby man:** LMFAOOO

 **dr baby man:** tbh idk what you want me to do

 **dr baby man:** just dig up there and grab it?

 **house wife:** i wanted emotional support

 **dr baby man:** ohhhhh sure

 **dr baby man:** u got this ms bev! go grab that tampon by its neck

 **dr baby man:** show it who's boss

 **house wife:** i- nvm goodbye eddie

* * *

 **eds:** we should do secret santa

 **one direction:** that’d be fun!

 **bird fucker:** we’ll just end up telling each other within a day

 **cock:** true but we can try

 **eds:** do you have no faith in us

 **eds:** we’re grown now stan

 **himbo:** richie drank spoiled milk bc it “wasnt too chunky” last week

 **eds:** we’re* grown now stan 

**eds:** *= excluding richie

 **degenerate:** it was like cottage cheese

 **eds:** brb gonna go vomit

 **degenerate:** but yes to secret santa

 **all powerful:** yes i don’t want to buy all of yall gifts

 **eds:** did u fix it

 **all powerful:** yes

 **degenerate:** what

 **all powerful:** nothin funny man

 **degenerate:** funny man… omg so u do think im funny 

**one direction:** funny man (derogatory)

 **eds:** LMAO

 **degenerate:** feelin like lil uzi vert rn

 **himbo:** everyone is so mean 2 me 💔

 **eds:** so yes to secret santa?

 **himbo:** yeah

 **eds:** cool

 **eds:** thats all meeting adjourned 

**cock:** wait i still have thoughts and id like to share them

 **eds:** ok? this isn’t a democracy

 **cock:** dicktator

 **eds:** dictator?

 **cock:** dicktator. a dictator who is also being a huge dick.

 **degenerate:** zinger

 **himbo:** i don’t think that’s what zinger means

 **degenerate:** oh so now the english major is gonna preach to us

 **himbo:** i- 

**one direction:** richie and eddie woke up today and chose violence huh

 **bird fucker:** just soulmate things <3

 **eds:** tmrw you will all be beheaded

 **bird fucker:** big talk from a lil man

 **all powerful:** the girls are fightinggggg

 **cock:** LMAOO

 **one direction:** eddies gonna fight us bc of that stan 

**eds:** 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

 **degenerate:** it’d be like fighting a toddler

 **degenerate:** no offense tho ily eds 💘

 **eds:** and i hate u 😇

 **eds:** revoking secret santa u are all bullies

 **himbo:** sure

 **himbo:** anyways when should we pull names

 **eds:** idk

 **degenerate:** we should have a movie night tn + do it then

 **bird fucker:** you just want to watch horse girl again

 **degenerate:** its SO fuckin weird??? ur telling me u DONT?

 **all powerful:** yes to movie night and horse girl

 **all powerful:** is it mental illness or abduction 

**degenerate:** idk i think abduction.. some of that shit was too real

 **eds:** none of it was real, its a movie

 **cock:** i think it might be a touch of m.i.

 **one direction:** abduction and you can’t change my mind

 **himbo:** why did u abbreviate mental illness 

**cock:** out of respect 

**eds:** im w mike

 **eds:** she mightve fallen off her horse too many times

 **degenerate:** now eddie…

 **one direction:** LMFAOOOO

 **cock:** u wrong for that one lil dude

 **eds:** STOP W THE SHORT JOKES

 **degenerate:** but u ARE the short joke

 **all powerful:** RICHIE!!!

 **degenerate:** WAIT I APOLOGIZE DONT BLOCK ME PLS

 **eds:** all of u are BLOCKED 

**eds:** except ben. 

**one direction:** aw i appreciate it

 **eds:** its quiet ain’t no back talk‼️‼️

 **degenerate:** does this mean he just cant see our texts

 **bird fucker:** wait did he really block us

 **bird fucker:** i haven’t even been reading this smh

 **himbo:** lemme try to text him sep first

* * *

**billy boy >>>> worry wart**

**billy boy:** testing testing

 **billy boy:** bitch u actually blocked us huh

_Not Delivered_

* * *

**himbo:** yeah we’re blocked

 **eds:** so ben when do u wanna come over

 **one direction:** wait you blocked them?

 **eds:** yes. its only u and me now

 **one direction:** i mean i can still see their messages

 **eds:** and i cant

 **eds:** im in a state of bliss rn

 **degenerate:** WOW RUDE

 **eds:** its like i can hear richie complaining from his grave

 **degenerate:** aww hes thinking of me <3

 **bird fucker:** y’all are both are so annoying 

**himbo:** agreed

 **all powerful:** eddie wrong for putting me w yall

 **one direction:** bev said you’re wrong for putting her on the block list

 **eds:** hm.. i suppose ur right ill unblock

 **all powerful:** bitch

 **eds:** and back u go

 **all powerful:** at least its earned now smh

 **eds:** anyways

 **all powerful:** can u bitches still hear me

 **eds:** yes

 **all powerful:** oh

 **degenerate:** do u think blocking me means he loves me

 **cock:** no (jk)

 **himbo:** um.. idk.. maybe

 **bird fucker:** why are you asking like he doesn’t

 **all powerful:** i’m w stan

 **degenerate:** what love language is blocking 😘😈🖖🏽👰🏻♂️👨❤️💋👨

 **all powerful:** what the fuck are those emojis

 **eds:** huh

 **all powerful:** its a blocked thing u wouldn’t get it

 **himbo:** start saying random shit to confuse eddie pls

 **all powerful:** i 100% agree richie should bleach his brows and shave his head

 **eds:** wait what

 **one direction:** yeah if he drinks it too it’ll bleach his insides to match

 **degenerate:** did u just kill me

 **eds:** no he will die?????

 **one direction:** omg harry styles did what mike

 **eds:** .

 **eds:** ben.

 **one direction:** what?

 **all powerful:** have u guys seen the tiktok of the girl queefing on command and then making it sound like a duck

 **eds:** ur on thin ice

 **eds:** wtf no

 **all powerful:** oh

 **all powerful:** well it was kind of beautiful

* * *

**worry wart >>>> billy boy**

**worry wart:** and i’ll do it again BOP BOP 👊

 **billy boy:** u and ur damn tiktok sounds

 **worry wart:** stfu grandpa

 **billy boy:** wanna get drunk tn

 **worry wart:** why are u asking me

 **billy boy:** cuz if u say yes, richie will buy it as an im sorry gift and i wont have to pay

 **worry wart:** he doesnt have his fake

 **billy boy:** we found it under the couch

 **worry wart:** it was missing for 3 months…

 **billy boy:** yes and?

 **worry wart:** do yall not clean under your couch..

 **billy boy:** how often do u do it mr. clean

 **worry wart:** every? week?

 **worry wart:** yall r gross, but tell him yes

 **billy boy:** rude but ty for ur service king

* * *

 **himbo:** we’re on our way 

**one direction:** mike and i beat yall here

 **bird fucker:** congrats you win an extra 20 minutes of eddies bitching

 **cock:** ur so bitter stan lmaoo its ok 

**bird fucker:** we didn’t even say it was a race

 **eds:** are u mad u lost a fake race 

**bird fucker:** no

 **himbo:** yes he is

 **degenerate:** yeah

 **bird fucker:** i understand why eddie blocked us earlier

 **eds:** damn

 **all powerful:** there’s a second race to see who can get through the door first

 **all powerful:** redeem yourself then or die a coward

 **cock:** no pressure

 **degenerate:** he’s gonna push us down the stairs now 

**himbo:** maybe we should just let him win?

 **bird fucker:** i can read you know

 **one direction:** we know

 **eds:** it came in ur latest update

 **all powerful:** ok everyone be nice to stan now

 **eds:** where was this energy for me all day.

 **all powerful:** u know where

 **eds:** stuck w ur tampon?

 **all powerful:** ENOUGH

 **one direction:** oh god

 **cock:** why are we talking ab bev’s tampons?

 **all powerful:** WE ARENT

 **all powerful:** NO TEXTING UNTIL U ARE HERE.

 **cock:** but i AM here

 **all powerful:** UNTIL WE ARE ALL HERE.

 **eds:** dicktator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. have yall seen horse girl + what do u think happened to sarah
> 
> 2\. thank u all for reading ily and happy holidays <3
> 
> 3\. may update l8r this week or next week, who knows im bored as hell rn 
> 
> love u all mwah

**Author's Note:**

> and thats the end for rn <3 i have more chaps lined up


End file.
